From Marie With Love… 2017-02-18T16:36:34+00:00

From Marie with love...

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The adventurous spiritual life and words of author and life coach Marie Chapian

Marie Wins Award At Del Mar Fair

Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the California 

Center for the Arts in Escondido, CA for my large collage (hundreds of small acrylic

painted pieces) acrylic painting:

“Embraced in Wonderland.”

Here’s the painting: (SOLD)

“People’s Choice Award”

Here’s me with Dave Roberts, Del Mar’s Supervisor receiving the” People's Choice Award" for my painting, “Lost in the Woods” at the Turner Gallery in Del Mar Here’s the paintng

Gallery Showing

May 24, 2016 – Opening 1:00-6:00 PM

William B Turner Gallery

2010 Jimmy durante Blvd.

Del Mar, CA 92014

I have work in the gallery and will be showing my hand painted and dyed silks too.

The show runs through July 7, 2016.

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #10. “What’s wrong with you?”

I had a patient tell me that his mother hotly demanded this of him this so often he began to believe there really was something deeply wrong with him. It took years for him to work through the misbelief that he was somehow inherently mentally and emotionally impaired. I suggest you never use this statement. It’s a demeaning and demoralizing accusation, not a question. Instead you might say, “Tell me what’s going on in you right now.” “How can I make things better?” We all make mistakes and act like idiots at times. The person you’re accusing needs to be […]

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #9. “Well, at least I never – “

You never? Uh huh. This phrase is a way to shift attention from yourself, your foibles and faults by pointing out the mistake(s) of someone else. When you appraise the sin levels of others you’re only making a selfish attempt to feel better about yourself. It smacks of pride. Instead, the beautiful words, “I’m sorry” will go a long way. Before moralizing and boasting, it’s far better to listen and show compassion.

I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to chew on for now. I ask myself how many times do I […]

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #8. “It’s up to you.” or “Whatever you want.”

These are comments of indifference. It’s like saying you could care less. Instead you might ask some thought-provoking questions like, “What is most important to you in this situation?” “How would such-and-such decision make a difference in your life?” Ask questions to make the people probe themselves. This shows in a caring way that the solutions to their questions are within them.

I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to chew on for now. I ask myself how many times do I glibly say things that might tear down instead of build […]

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #7. “Good luck”

This is such a popular phrase, what could be wrong with it? But you can do better than that. It’s glib and impersonal if you’re talking to someone you know and care about. Instead say, “I know you have what it takes.” Isn’t that much more encouraging?

I believe the key is discernment. Discernment with genuine thoughtfulness: we can’t go wrong with those two. Add a dose of God’s love and compassion and we’ll make a big difference in our relationships

I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to chew on for now. […]

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #6. “As I said before. . .” or “We’ve had this conversation before.”

These phrases can be off-putting because they’re indicating someone’s really stupid for not remembering something that was said earlier. Why not be diplomatic and say what you have to say in an interesting new way? Say it new! Also, consider that perhaps the issue you’re referring to wasn’t resolved and needs more discussion.

I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to chew on for now. I ask myself how many times do I glibly say things that might tear down instead of build up another person?

I believe the key is discernment. Discernment […]

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #5 “You look great for your age.”

This is a biggie. Never, ever say this. It’s saying someone of whatever age they’re at are at death’s door or somehow total wrecks. Using the qualifier, “for your anything” is so condescending it hurts. No one wants to be smart for a plumber, or pretty for a politician, or brilliant for a housewife, or in great shape for their age. People simply want to be fit, smart, pretty or brilliant because they are. Instead, say, “You look great.” Genuine compliments don’t need qualifiers.

I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to […]

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #4 “You always … or you never.”

Nobody always or never does anything. People aren’t one-dimensional, so it’s not a good thing to define them by “always” and “never.” These phrases are guaranteed to make someone defensive and closed off to what you want to say. Instead simply point out what the other person’s behavior is a problem for you. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can say, “It seems like you do this often,” or “You do this often enough for me to notice. . .”

I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to […]

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #3 “You were too good for him anyway.”

Ouch. This implies the person who has just severed a relationship, personal or business, has awful taste and made a stupid choice in the first place. Instead, make a comment like, “His loss!” This provides support and optimism without any implied criticism.

I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to chew on for now. I ask myself how many times do I glibly say things that might tear down instead of build up another person?

I believe the key is discernment. Discernment with genuine thoughtfulness: we can’t go wrong with those two. Add […]

IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #2 THE “WOW YOU LOST A TON OF WEIGHT!”

Sounds like a compliment, I know, but it could create the impression that the person used to be really fat or unattractive. Better to say, “Wow, you look fantastic!” That way you’re not commenting on how the person used to look and you’re taking the past out of the picture.

I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to chew on for now. I ask myself how many times do I glibly say things that might tear down instead of build up another person?

I believe the key is discernment. Discernment with genuine thoughtfulness: […]

THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO SOMEONE

We’re so intent on our own personal agendas that we’re out to lunch when it comes to social awareness. I gleaned most of the following from an article by Dr. Travis Bradberry. In his company’s testing of emotional intelligence of people, the most seriously lacking skill they found was social awareness. I call this lacking discretion, diplomacy, or discernment. (The lack of thoughtfulness also comes to mind.)

So I’ve dedicated this series “If I could say it over again…” to those statements people make and practical ways to avoid wishing for a do over. People with good social skills and emotional […]

Death & Life

This week I learned of a beautiful young woman who leapt from an interstate overpass bridge onto the concrete pavement below. Her intention was suicide — but she didn’t die. At this writings she and her shattered body are lying in pieces in a Minneapolis hospital, but she’s alive. I’m dedicating this blog to her and proclaiming Ezekiel 37:5 over her:

            “This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones:  I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.” (NIV)

I know emotional pain and I’ve dedicated my life to helping people in emotional pain. When I […]

On Writing

Wow. I just finished writing a new book called WALK WITH ME, JESUS (release date: 11/15) It was an amazing experience for me, just like the two TALK TO ME, JESUS books have been for me to write. If you haven’t gotten your copy the TALK TO ME, JESUS Journal or 365-Day devotional yet, they are books written in the voice of the Lord Himself. I’d love to hear from you if you’re reading them each day! (I hope you are.)

Hearing the voice of God speak through the pages of these books have put me in another space entirely. Day […]

Beautiful Gratitude

Amazing, isn’t it?– how we can come to a day of Thanksgiving with more trepidation that enthusiasm? I teach in a college where my students speak of Thanksgiving as an obligatory drudgery. And today I talked to Christians who are worried and stress-ridden about sharing the day with non-believers. OhOh, Beloved, when do we get to be happy? When do we get to have fun? When do we get to lay down the burdens of wrestling with a negative world?

Something has happened to me since I was in the Chicago and Wisconsin area a few weeks ago ministering-it’s a sort […]

What is Beauty?

I’m smitten with the idea of beauty. Today I was leaving the gym and I had just opened the door of my car when suddenly the sweetest breeze blew over me. I was stunned. I breathed in the sweet air– it was like candy, this breeze. Cool and wonderful. I stood there, head back, hair flying, and allowed myself to simply feel the air. I may have looked kind of silly, but when I straightened up I noticed a couple of people a few cars away watching me, and then they threw their heads back, too, breathing in the air. […]

Beautiful Availability

How do you define beauty? A couple of weeks ago I had my college Creative Writing class read a piece about watching a stunt pilot fly his plane by author Annie Dillard. She wrote, “I had thought I knew my way around beauty a little bit, I knew I had devoted a good part of my life to it… ” but watching Dave Rahm’s performance in the air changed all she had known about beauty. She wrote, “Even the Boston Museum of fine Arts was never more inspiring …”

I was captivated by her sentence, “I had thought I knew my […]

Beautiful Eternity

A sweet touch of heaven is coming upon us now as you and I pause and breathe in the presence of God.

If you’ve lost loved ones who are now in heaven, as I have, join me and access a reality bigger than ourselves by breathing in the loving atmosphere of heaven. I pause for a moment and speak a word of truth such as “Perfect love casts out fear” (1John 4:18) and then I allow those words to penetrate every cell of me — I speak the words, “perfect love–” (not flimsy-flighty love, not transient love, not false or empty […]